i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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