How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
