she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
