I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
