i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
