What did we do last night that was yellow?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
