Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the day after is always just damage control
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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