I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
