I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
