ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
