I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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