I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
