I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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