i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
