and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
