my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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