Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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