Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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