I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
