Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
