i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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