i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
