I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
