So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
