ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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