Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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