we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
