He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize