Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
