Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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