can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
