...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
