He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My ATM looks so different sober.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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