this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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