haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
