Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
