Non-Jews are for practice
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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