textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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