Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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