Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
