She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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