you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My feet surprised me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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