I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
