I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
