Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
