Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
