If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
