I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
