his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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