What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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