i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
