I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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