believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
