i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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