my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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