i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
