Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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