If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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