the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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