how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
