It's Friday. Sex?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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