She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
