hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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