So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
