I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
