I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
