god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
