why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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