What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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