"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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