If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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