all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
