I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
