remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
