Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
