u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
