theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
