I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
