Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just threw up on my dentist
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
