I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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