just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
