All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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