What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
