You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
