It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
