I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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