you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
