Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
