Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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