dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
