Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
