Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
