We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
